What about kindness?

I have been quite busy lately and my days were very stressful. However, I would never let someone else pay for it. But there seem to be a lot of people that vent their spleen on others.

I was wondering, what about social responsibility, politeness, kindness? Are these values not of importance anymore? Or have they ever been?

There is one of my neighbours (he has an apartment in the same house) who for some reason doesn’t seem to like either me or every woman or every human being. Whenever I meet him, I smile and say hello but the best I did get to hear so far was a grumpy mumbling. Most times he doesn’t reply at all and just gives me a disapproving glance. At the beginning I thought that maybe he was just having a bad day but he keeps behaving like that every time I meet him. One time, he was entering the building right in front of me and instead of holding the door open, or at least pushing it open, he slammed it right in my face.
And this is just one example of strangers behaving unfriendly without any apparent reason.

No one says you have to be a saint. But you really don’t have to be one to follow very few rules of politeness. I mean, even if you had a bad day or don’t feel like engaging in long talks to your neighbours (which I usually don’t even intend), could you not at least reply to a greeting?

I have been reading an excerpt from a book about former differences between liberty and freedom. According to this text, in very short terms, liberty used to be an idea of independence and separation, it was rather a privilege that can be taken away (it is maybe that which we understand as liberty today). In contrast, freedom meant the right to belong to and join a certain group of free people and to care about them, to respect their rights, and it was something that must be given.
These sentences made me think: “In modern America too many people have forgotten this side of our inheritance. They think of liberty as license without responsibility, and freedom as entitlement without obligation. To think this way in the modern world is to remember only half of these ancient traditions.”

I think you always have to be careful about how to interpret any texts about social responsibility as they can easily be misapplied in order to support insane ideologies.

However, what do you think about this? Not only regarding America, but the world in a whole, do you agree?

Not referring to this text, but to the topic in general, this is my point of view : I believe that being polite is very important.
More than that, I believe that we should do something good for others. I believe in kindness, generosity and in sharing joy and happiness.

I really believe that one can do something good for others, even if it is only by means of a smile. (See also this post: Smiling at Strangers) And I believe that, even if it is only a small good deed, it can make a huge difference.

There are people who say that one single person can’t make a difference anyway, that this is all just idealism and that it would be better to just care for yourself.
Of course, my action doesn’t make a huge difference for humankind. But you have to start somewhere, after all. Furthermore, it might make difference for a few people, and even if it does only for one person, it is totally  worth it.

Yes, perhaps, in this regard, I am a dreamer or an idealist. But having dreams doesn’t mean that I don’t know reality, or what seems to be reality. It doesn’t mean that I don’t know about all the horrible things happening on earth. I might be young, but I have made some experiences that I would not wish for anyone to experience and I know that there are happening things that are even a lot worse. So, believe me, I do know reality and I do know that I can’t change it all. But I do also know that there are a lot of opportunities to spread a little joy and to brighten someone's day.

I believe in a lot of things, love, friendship, kindness. I believe in caring families, although I know the "ideal" family hardly exists. I believe in changing lives for the good.

I have hopes and dreams, but that doesn’t mean I live in a world of dreams.

Quote of the week #8

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.

Robert Cushing



We all have or had moments in our lives where we were unhappy about certain things, we wanted them to be different, we wanted change. But at the same time we are afraid of taking a risk. We think about the consequences, which is of course necessary. But don’t you think that sometimes you have to risk something? Do you rather choose the more comfortable way? Do you think of everything bad that could happen and then decide not to “jump in”? Or do you agree with what the quote says?

Today, I went through some of my old diaries, or whatever you can call them, as they were just books where I wrote down some of my thoughts before I had a blog. The oldest ones are from 2002 and contain just some very insignificant stories from a little child. But there are also more serious entries from the last years. While reading some of them, I realized that there have been a lot of changes during the last year that are mostly invisible for other persons. I have learned so much in this year.
Exactly a year ago I moved away from my hometown to begin with my studies at university. There were a lot people that tried to convince me it would be easier to not move away and to stay at my parents’ house. Besides, some people were saying I shouldn’t choose a Chinese course and instead learn another language because Chinese is too difficult to learn.
I thought a lot about it and I came to the conclusion that this one time I would do exactly what I thought would be the best for me and do what I wanted to do. I have never regretted once that I made this decision and I am glad to be responsible for myself. I knew it was not going to be easy, as my parents made very clear they wouldn’t support me if I moved away, nonetheless I am absolutely convinced it was the best decision I could make. Certainly, I’m having some hard times as well, especially when I have to pay my tuition fee, as I don’t get any financial support at the moment and it’s hard to find a job while being at university from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. most days. But it could definitely be worse. I mentioned in some earlier posts the difficult relationship to my family, so there was no way I could have been happy while still living there.
When reading my old diary entries, I can see that I really went through some personal growth this last year. I was surprised at how I have seen things before and how unhappy I was and I am happy I did something to change it.

And about Chinese, it turned out to be the course in which I have the best grades, as it is something I am really interested in.

There have been several moments in my life where I had to make the decision of taking a risk and try something I was afraid of because I have never done it before or because I knew it could be difficult. But whenever I chose to do it anyway, it turned out to be the right decision. Are these not the moments that make our lives exciting?

Do you rather like to choose the safe way that you already know everything about or do you take some risks? Did you ever regret your decisions?

In my opinion, a lot of people want to change something in their lives, they want things to become better but they don’t want to do something about it. They want progress but they are afraid of change. They are afraid of the unknown. I think you have to dare something, you have to take some chances to move forward. As the quote says, you just have to jump in and scramble through as well as you can. And this is what I am trying to do.

Quote of the week #6

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

Gloria Steinem

 

Today, I happened to listen to a song that always reminds me of hope for the future. It was played during our official graduation from school. We had to walk on a red carpet, me and my two best friends together and afterwards we were given our certificates. During that walk the song was played. I remember exactly how I felt that day. We were exceedingly happy to have passed our final exams with good grades. It was our last day as pupils and it felt like our whole future lay ahead of us. After 12 years of school, it was the threshold to a new life. We had so many dreams and hopes. In that moment, we felt as if we could reach anything, as if we could change the world. I know that it was totally exaggerated and unrealistic and it might even seem stupid, but this is what we felt, or it was what I felt. Of course, there is nothing much extraordinary about graduating from school, but for us it was the way to our future, it was like a magic moment. Whenever I listen to that song, it reminds me of that hopeful, exciting feeling and I begin to believe that there is still a lot I can accomplish. It makes me remember my dreams and hopes.

Is it of any good to have dreams? Is it starry-eyed, naïve? Would it be better to not dream at all, to be more realistic?

Is dreaming a way to define and achieve our goals or does it prevent us from living our life?

In my opinion, it is good to have dreams and, as in the quote, it is even a form of planning.
Even if they never come true, at least they give us hope for the future, they make the present a better place. They make us hope for a better future and in some cases they make us do something for this future. Most of the time I am down-to-earth, but in my heart I will never stop having some of those dreams. In my opinion, we should have dreams that are not too unrealistic and then we should try and make these dreams come true.

Do you still have dreams? Did some of your dreams come true when you grew older? Or did you give up your dreams?
Do we change when we grow older? Do we see things in a more realistic way, do our views change?

Well, I think I am still young and I don’t know whether my point of view will change when I am older. Anyway, I don’t feel like that all of the time. There are a lot of days I feel completely different, but I am grateful for those hopeful days.

Quote of the week #4

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

 

One of my biggest weaknesses is probably that I am a really bad organizer and planner, at least when it comes to my own life. When I ought to do something for others, it is very important for me to be reliable, but when I should plan something in my own life, I tend to be a bit chaotic and spontaneous. As I have explained in some earlier post, I never watch the weather forecasts and just go outside to see how the weather is. That is basically the way I have handled a lot of things in my life. During the last year in particular, a lot of things have changed in my life, I have developed personally and I started making some plans in my life though.

I have noticed that most people feel comfortable in planning everything and that a lot of people don’t like changes of plans. I do understand the reasons for it and I can also see the advantages of planning.

But I still wonder if it is better to schedule every detail in our lives or to take things as they come.

I think one has to distinguish here between things that should be planned and things that we have no influence on.

As I have mentioned before, I used to plan hardly anything, although I have always waited for the future to come, so that I could move away and start my own life. This might seem contradictory, but as I always just had this big plan, I didn’t plan the details that came before.
Nevertheless, I have learned that you should have some plans in your life and that it is nearly impossible to continue with such an attitude that I had, once you are a grown up and once you are fully responsible for your life.

But is it really necessary to plan every detail and most important, is it possible? In my opinion, it absolutely isn’t.

At first, there are things like preparing for a test, for example an exam at university. Obviously, you should know how much time it takes to learn the different topics and then try to learn it continuously and not keep it all for the last day, so scheduling here is necessary.

Secondly, there are the big plans in life. Admittedly, I have to say that I still don’t have concrete plans here. I rather like to see it as options you have in life and ways you would like to continue. For example, I would like to have my own little family one day, but can I really be sure that I will ever find the partner for this? It is also my dream to visit as many places of this world as possible. Furthermore, I want to graduate from university and find a job that I like. But I have no idea about the details yet.

You always have to keep in mind that there is no way of foreseeing the future and things usually don’t turn out as we have expected them to do, so these are rather not my plans but some of my aims in life. At the same time, I can see that it is important to know your options and to have some plans in mind, so that you can try to reach the best possible outcome. Moreover, a good organization is often necessary and helpful to reach your goals.

Besides, it is a great and important thing to have some visions and dreams in life.

So we should have some plans for the important big things in life, but we also have to consider changes and developments, so that we can modify our plans and the way we could reach our goals.

But still I see no point in planning every detail of my life. You can’t plan the little things you have no influence on. There are so much wonderful things to explore every day and I like to keep all options open.
In fact, starting this blog was a very spontaneous decision and when the idea arose in my mind I immediately implemented it. Of course, some planning would have been useful. But on the other hand, without being spontaneous I would never have had this idea.

This is just my personal point of view and I am aware of its great imperfectness. However, as my journey just began, I am sure there will be more development.

Finally, this whole text didn’t completely refer to the quote. But I think it speaks for itself.

If you could live your life over again...

We have an advertising spot here that says: Wenn du dein Leben noch einmal leben könntest, würdest du alles noch mal genauso machen?

Translated that means: If you could live your life over again, would you do it all the same again? The answer in that spot isn’t too serious. Something about “I would buy my glasses right from the beginning at [insert name of optician here].”

But I think this question is very interesting and not at all easy to answer.

Would I do it all the same again? Well, at first, it depends on the interpretation of that question. If I just turned the clock back, I guess I would do it all the same again. Because I would still be myself and most of the time I acted the way I thought to be the best. Of course I made a lot of mistakes, but still, the time I made them I didn’t recognise them as mistakes.

But let’s say I stay the person I am right now, with my current knowledge and experiences and I could change anything. Would I do it then? Still the question isn’t easier at all. It raises more questions.

How far did my past experiences influence the person I am right now? Would I act differently now, make different decisions, would I have different opinions on the same topics if I had had a different childhood? Would I even be someone else? And the more important question: Do I want to be someone else?

After all, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes. But do we really do that? Don’t we make the same mistakes all over again sometimes? After all, we are not perfect.

How much of our personality is already determined when we are born? And how much can it change? How much of it is affected by our experiences?

In my opinion, we have something like an individual basic personality. And this personality is formed later by our experiences. I think our experiences play an important role in our lives. Nevertheless it all depends on your given personality, too. I don’t think that we would all be the same if we had the same experiences. I think these experiences rather stimulate some of our features that are already existent. At the end of the day, our actions are still our own decisions and we can’t blame a difficult childhood for doing the wrong thing or use it as an excuse for wrong decisions.

So, to come back to my initial question, would I change anything? I am still not quite sure. There are one or two experiences I would like to change. I wish I had acted differently there. But after all, I also think they are an important part of my life. And I am content with the person I am now. Of course I am far away from being perfect, but at least I can say I try to do my best and I am constantly trying to be a good soul. Still am not absolutely sure. Wouldn’t it be better to change bad decisions though?

 
If you could live your life over again, would you do it all the same again?

Would you?