This is a
topic I feel particularly insecure about.
I have
always believed the answer should be yes.
I thought I
wasn’t someone to be resentful or unforgiving. I thought I may not forget, but
at least I can forgive. But now I am wondering if that is even possible.
Let me
explain very briefly my personal relation to this topic before turning back to
the question in general. A very important part of my life has been to become
independent. This is what growing up means for me, amongst other things. Living
my own life, making my own decisions. With regard to financial issues, I am not
yet as autonomous as I wish to be, since this is not possible while going to
university. But I do my best, constantly going to work during vacations and
trying to earn a living.Anyway, the reason why this is so important for me is that I was and am still having considerable problems with my family. I won’t go into further detail about that and I don’t want to complain, I just felt I should mention this, so that you might understand this particular issue here. In my opinion, family is one of the most important values in life and I am grateful for at least having one. But for some reason I never managed to get along with them, although fighting for their appreciation my entire childhood. But being totally honest, it is both their and my fault that it doesn’t get better today.
My whole
life I regretted wholeheartedly not being able to change my familial
relationship. But now that it might be my turn to do so, I don’t know how to.
This results in some questions.
How does
one forgive? This results in some questions.
After having experienced physical, sexual or mental violence, is it really possible to forgive the associated person? Should you even forgive?
On the one hand, I think there are cases where a second chance should not be given, even if only to protect yourself.
On the other hand, maybe past should be nothing more than it is, something that is gone. Maybe you should try to look forward to the future and try to forgive. Ultimately, this might serve your peace of mind.
A friend of mine once told me that for him it doesn’t matter what happened in the past and that he won’t judge others for what they did in former times. The only thing that matters is the present.
To err is
human. Therefore, I believe that every one of us, including me, of course, has
made some mistakes in his life. Don’t you think you deserved a second chance?
After all, there must be an opportunity to learn from mistakes. There must be a
chance to do it better in the future.
But is
giving second chances without limitation possible and is it even desirable? A
lot of people think that it depends on the gravity of a deed whether someone
deserves a second chance or not. But doesn’t this somehow object to the concept
of giving second chances?
Does
everybody deserve a second chance, regardless of what he or she did? What about
child abusers? I have heard of so many cases where such a person committed the
same crime after getting out of prison. Couldn’t this have been prevented? Is
the whole idea of giving second chances overrated? Is it even conformable to
our society? But what would a society be without such concepts?
And what
about third or fourth chances? In reality and for our everyday life, I think it
isn’t really about chances, but about continuous opportunities we get and
decisions we make.
Moreover, we
often take it for granted to get second chances, we don’t even think about it until we
are in the situation of having to give one. Isn’t this a bit selfish?
I would
love to hear some opinions on this.