Who would you be?

Everyone has a role model. Who is yours? Who was your role model when you were a child?
If you could be anyone, who would you be?

Every now and then I read questions like these. Every time I think about it, but I don’t have an answer. I think the first role model for little children are their parents. But then comes the time when you realize they are not inerrable. So most children then choose some celebrity as their role model. They have posters hanging in their bedrooms and want to be like them.

I never really had that. In fact, I have never really understood the wish to be like some celebrity.

The point is, people admire them for a certain role they play in a movie or for something they achieve in sports, for example. It is comprehensible that they would like to emulate them in these actions. But, and this is what I have always considered, they don’t know who these people really are. How can you know about their personality? How can you know what they had or have to suffer in their lives? You don’t know who they really are. You only know a little excerpt of their lives. So why do you want to be exactly like them? Furthermore, they are not perfect.  They can’t be because no one is. So I don’t see a point in wishing to be someone else.

Whenever someone asks me who I would like to be if I could choose anyone, I don’t have an answer, at least I can’t think of any specific persons. There are certainly a lot of things I can learn from other people and a lot of things I would like to adopt from others. And surely my life is everything but perfect. But I am who I am. So all I can do is try to improve who I already am instead of wanting to be someone else.

However, I do consider it as reasonable to try to follow certain actions, behaviours or features. It makes sense to admire these. 

When you admire someone for being a good person, it certainly is a good idea to try to be that too, in your own way. If you admire someone for being a good writer, you can try to be become an equally good writer. But you have to try to find your own style.

Nevertheless, I was wondering whether it is even possible not to have any role models. Does everyone have one without even noticing? Do we have many?
Aren’t there always people we imitate? How else would we learn anything? Or do we invent every action new for ourselves?  

Anyway, I do think people in our environment can have a huge impact on us.

I was sometimes surprised by the influence one's friends can have on one's behaviour. My brother used to have a very changing circle of friends. Every time he had new friends, his taste in music changed (it was easy to say, you could hear it everywhere in the house) and every time he adopted their vocabulary or behaviour. For instance, when he had friends who smoked and drank a lot, he did that too.

This makes we wonder, are we all just a copy of our environment?

Obviously, one’s environment and especially friends can have a huge impact on one’s behaviour. So are we just lucky to have a “good” circle of friends? But then again, don’t we choose our friends?

Did you adapt yourself to become more like your friends, perhaps without even noticing?

Maybe the question should rather be Who are you? instead of Who would you be?

Coming back to the initial question, I always tried to find my own way.
I am not sure whether that is even possible or whether it is just an illusion and actually we are all just a mixture of all the people we meet. After all, I don’t invent any new behaviour, do I? But maybe we can decide which ingredients from which people we choose and consequently become the best result we can.

Certainly there are always people who influence us, our personality, our behaviour. I think it is good or even necessary to have people who inspire us. But in the end, you are an individual and you should make the best out of who you are instead of copying someone else.

Are there any people that inspire you?

Do you have a role model? Do you even want to be someone else?

Are you extraordinary?

A few days ago, I talked to a friend about university which somehow turned into a not very serious discussion about whether he was exceptionally smart (he said he wasn’t). Eventually, we ended up arguing about the meaning of being extraordinary.

So, in his opinion, to be extraordinary you have to belong to the absolute top of something, regardless of what we are talking about, for example, you have to be a Einstein or Newton or Shakespeare to be really great and extraordinary in what you do. His definition was rather very exclusive. In contrast, I said I believe that there are a lot of ways to be extraordinary and that we can all be extraordinary in something.

This whole discussion made me think a little further. I mean, is there really something like being extraordinary? Are we not all at some point extraordinary? No one of us is the same and especially for friends or loved ones we are unique. In fact, we are all unique. But, on the other hand, what about persons like Einstein? Would you say they were ordinary, nothing special? You certainly can’t say that either.

Anyway, what is ordinary? There certainly is an average height or age of all persons you can measure, but it is more difficult when it comes to the personality or abilities of people. Besides, what does an average age say? Relating to this, are you extraordinary when you are younger or older than the average number? I am certainly not a statistics expert but you don’t have to be one to know that the mean average of something doesn’t necessarily indicate much without further information. And even if there is, this is not about statistics. How would you measure a person’s uniqueness?

Moreover, do we really have to be extraordinary? Do we always have to belong to the absolute top? Do we have to be better than everyone else? There is always someone that is “better”, so if you really want to be the best at everything, you will never be happy.

That friend also said that to be content or proud of himself, he would need to be the best and, for instance, not just the best in his university but in the whole world. He also admitted that this is very unlikely to happen but that it is a good way to improve his accomplishments constantly. Maybe it is, but I think you can be happy with what you have achieved and improve at the same time.

Instead of being the best compared to everyone else, would it not be better to focus on your own aims? I think we automatically always compare ourselves to others, I do that too. And maybe this is the only way to evaluate ourselves and improve what we do. But instead of looking at the other ones, sometimes it would just be better to focus on our personal aims. When my friends and I graduated from school, we had all very different grades, but we were all happy because we had all managed to reach our own personal goal (or at least most of us). And isn’t this enough?

On the other hand, of course, without comparing, there wouldn’t even be such things as grades, thus it is necessary to value anything.

In my opinion, it is in human’s nature to always strive for more, but in the end we’ll just have to accept that we can’t always be the best.

So, even if we can’t be the best, can we be extraordinary? Are we all extraordinary persons because everyone has something at which he or she is especial compared to others? Or is this something that refers to very few persons only? After all, the term extraordinary indicates this.

Is there such a thing or are we all unique? Or is being unique something totally different? Maybe everyone is unique but not everyone can be extraordinary.

Do you think you are extraordinary? Do you want to be?

What does being extraordinary mean to you?

My friend and I still didn’t agree in the end and although there is probably no right answer and it all depends on different definitions and points of views, I would love to hear some other opinions, ideas, experiences or whatever you have to say.

Quote of the week #7

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

William Shakespeare

Today’s topic is all about names.

Certainly, a rose would be the same if it had another name, although it is the same in German and French, each with a different pronunciation. Anyway, I don’t want to explain the tasks of language here.

What I am more interested in is the names of persons. It is only recently that I have realized that I have an unordinary relation to names, you might even say it’s strange. 
Apparently, the name of another person is something very intimate for me. Of course, this is illogical, as everyone has a name and everyone can call you by that name.
When I meet people and make friends with them, they very soon address me with my name all of the time. I have realized that I actually only call my closest friends with their names and that it takes me a lot of time to address someone with his/her name in real life, but when I do it, I like to do it and mention their names very often.  I don’t think at all it’s inappropriate when people say my name, I think I even like it, it’s just that I don’t do it. For example, someone asks me “[name], do you want to go the cinema tonight?” If I ask that question, I only use the name when it’s a close friend. Maybe I’m crazy.

However, it made me think about names and their importance for us.

At least for me, names indicate a lot of intimacy.

So, what’s in a name?

What does our name mean for us? Is it just a word? Is it us? After all, we identify ourselves with that name.

Would you like to choose another name for yourself? Would that make a difference? How important is the name you choose for your children?

Here’s another quote:

In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.

Hubert H. Humphrey

Things are what they seem to be, but does the name determine what we seem to be? Or does our personality and our behaviour have an influence on how our name seems to be?

What is the cause and what is the result or is it reciprocal in a way? Is there any connection at all?
Would you feel different about yourself if you had a completely different name, would other people expect someone differently? How much of your name determines what you seem to be?

Or, ultimately, does it only depend on who uses your name? Does it not make any difference what your name actually is but what people make out of it?
For that purpose, a last quote. It’s one that I really like and it is from a little child called Billy who was asked to define love. Can you believe he was just four years old?

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Did you ever realize it makes a difference? I did. There are people who pronounce my name in a way I don’t like and there are other people that make it sound valuable.

They make your name sound unique.

Are we all basically selfish?

Imagine you were a boy in a big and quite house. Your parents are not at home, but your sister is. Great, you’ll wait for her to come out of her room, after all she must come out some time, so that you can abuse her, yes, sexually. Don’t worry, she won’t tell your parents, they wouldn’t believe her. You are mommy’s little boy, she’ll do anything for you. If your sister tries to tell your mother, you can still cry and tell her how bad your sister is, so that she is going to be punished. Anyway, you have been doing this for years, there really is no need to worry. Your sister is crying? So what?

You can’t imagine doing this? I hope so.


During the last few years I have realized something that I find terrible. There are people on this earth that are extremely selfish, people that don’t care at all about other people’s feelings.

The saddest part of it is that these people get away with what they do too often. Too often they are more successful in what they do than people that are honest and try to help others.

I have been thinking about this a lot and I really wonder whether one has to be selfish to get along in this world. Do you have to be unscrupulous, unfair and devilishly selfish?
Is this the only right way to be successful in whatever you do?

Are most people actually selfish at heart and is it good or even necessary to be so? Is it the easiest way?

However the easiest way doesn’t have to be a good way. But who determines what is good and what is bad? Isn’t moral just a necessary construct in our society?
And what are the consequences of such a behavior? Do these people really feel comfortable with themselves?

You could also say it in a more positive way. Is it a good thing to take care of yourself in the first place?
Should we be selfish, because we should love ourselves?
After all, someone has to look after you and maybe there is no one else. Isn’t it a good thing to pursue your dreams? It is, but what about the dreams of other people, what about their feelings, their hopes, their rights?

Is our society really so self-centered?

Are we all born selfish? From the biological point of view, we want to reproduce. Maybe it is in our genes, so that we are all basically selfish. But I think this explanation is too easy and I am not a biologist anyway.
Is helping others just a selfish way to feel good?
But then again, what about love and I mean true love? Shouldn't it be totally selfless?

What about generosity and altruism?
What about the human values we have? We should be able to find a balance between loving ourselves and caring for others.

I am asking myself all those questions, but in the end the answer doesn’t make a difference anyway. I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable.

So is it better to help others? For what good?

I don’t even know how to explain. I am not a very religious person, or rather I don’t believe in some specific church, so this is not the reason. I just feel we should help each other. Our world could be a much more wonderful place if everybody cared for others. Of course, there are a lot of people that do and I am really happy to know some.

I remember donating some money when I was about 15 years old. My brother just laughed at me, he couldn’t understand how one could be so stupid to give away their money. He even admitted that all he cared about was himself.
I have now a godson in Africa that I support with some money, although I don’t have much of it either and I work hard for it during semester break. I didn’t tell anybody, because I know people wouldn’t understand, especially not my family. Isn’t it terrible that one has to feel ashamed because of doing something good for others?
I know that for this child the money is much more worth than for me and I love that I can contribute to his chance of going to school.  Moreover, he is just a little child and it really isn’t his fault that his parents were not able to take care of him. So why not support him when I have the chance to?

Why not always help others when we have the chance to do so? And I don’t mean by donating money, but in our everyday life. You could brighten someone’s day or even more, and isn’t this totally worth it?

 

If you could live your life over again...

We have an advertising spot here that says: Wenn du dein Leben noch einmal leben könntest, würdest du alles noch mal genauso machen?

Translated that means: If you could live your life over again, would you do it all the same again? The answer in that spot isn’t too serious. Something about “I would buy my glasses right from the beginning at [insert name of optician here].”

But I think this question is very interesting and not at all easy to answer.

Would I do it all the same again? Well, at first, it depends on the interpretation of that question. If I just turned the clock back, I guess I would do it all the same again. Because I would still be myself and most of the time I acted the way I thought to be the best. Of course I made a lot of mistakes, but still, the time I made them I didn’t recognise them as mistakes.

But let’s say I stay the person I am right now, with my current knowledge and experiences and I could change anything. Would I do it then? Still the question isn’t easier at all. It raises more questions.

How far did my past experiences influence the person I am right now? Would I act differently now, make different decisions, would I have different opinions on the same topics if I had had a different childhood? Would I even be someone else? And the more important question: Do I want to be someone else?

After all, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes. But do we really do that? Don’t we make the same mistakes all over again sometimes? After all, we are not perfect.

How much of our personality is already determined when we are born? And how much can it change? How much of it is affected by our experiences?

In my opinion, we have something like an individual basic personality. And this personality is formed later by our experiences. I think our experiences play an important role in our lives. Nevertheless it all depends on your given personality, too. I don’t think that we would all be the same if we had the same experiences. I think these experiences rather stimulate some of our features that are already existent. At the end of the day, our actions are still our own decisions and we can’t blame a difficult childhood for doing the wrong thing or use it as an excuse for wrong decisions.

So, to come back to my initial question, would I change anything? I am still not quite sure. There are one or two experiences I would like to change. I wish I had acted differently there. But after all, I also think they are an important part of my life. And I am content with the person I am now. Of course I am far away from being perfect, but at least I can say I try to do my best and I am constantly trying to be a good soul. Still am not absolutely sure. Wouldn’t it be better to change bad decisions though?

 
If you could live your life over again, would you do it all the same again?

Would you?